If you get lost along the way…
its alright. Its ok.
Today is one of those days where, for some reason, my mind has been quite active on all sorts of subjects other than work. Its one of those days where I take a look at my life, see where I am, come down hard on myself, and feel insecure about the decisions I’ve made with regards to friendships, relationships, work, and everything else.
I wish I didn’t feel this way.
I guess I really am at a particularly vulnerable point in many ways. New friendships, my f*cking job, new house, blasts from the past throwing wrenches in things, and so forth. This is one of those times where I usually choose to build walls and, while it isn’t productive, it feels safe. Like most people, I just want to feel safe and secure. So, why don’t I?
1) Money
-house
-car
-bills
-lifes necessities
2) Love
-someone to hold
-someone to care for me
-someone I can be there for
-someone to help me grow
3) Me
-am i still growing or am i stagnant?
-am i making the right decisions?
-why can’t i achieve MORE?
Anyway, its not a list that is anything unique to me or new for that matter. Its all at the forefront though and so here I am feeling vulnerable and alone.
At the back of my mind I know life will go on. I know I’ll be ok. Whatever happens will happen and you just have to roll with it. Tomorrow is another day. blah blah blah – its too bad that knowing all of that doesn’t make it all feel better NOW.
Oh well. My lunch break is over.