I’ve Got You!

… that old familiar itch. I still have it. I *really* want to find a new job. I guess I associate it with a fresh start all around. They do me good. But as wide as my eyes are, the opportunities are sparse right now. So, for the time being, I guess I’ll have to sit and wait and …

… find other things to occupy my mind and time. Like teaching again. This time for the whole semester and not just five weeks. Or maybe like video games or fiscal responsibility (booo) or something else. I don’t know. I’m kind of frustrated on this plateau. I’ve accomplished so much at work and the end is in sight for the plans I’ve laid to help them turnaround. I’ve accomplished so little socially. But I’ve played a boat load of video games. Thats something, but …

… when something is nothing, is it still something? Nah. You know … I’m tired. The week was long and I need some relaxation with no negativity. Seriously. I might pop. But it won’t be because I’m fat since I’ve lost a lot of that lately. It’ll be because I need some positivity, some fun, some entertainment, some … carefree time.

So there it is. Carefree. The adult in me says thats a good idea for a goal and I’ll have to buckle down and take care of somethings so I can get to that point. The pessimistic adult in me says that by doing that, I’ll commit to a goal that is unattainable and I’ll wind up working hard and trying to cross a finish line that keeps moving. The kid in me says just freakin do it now. Oh, and he loves frosted mini-wheats.

Seriously.

So Christmas was pretty nice. I got to visit with folks up in Charlotte, check on the house, be dogless for a few days, give some gifts to people, and I got a few things! It was nice to get back up to Charlotte. It had been over a year since I was there – I just wish I could have stayed longer and visited with some more people. The house is doing well. My best friend has done a great job looking after it for me. That made me really happy since I had prepared myself for the worst. I guess I should have had a bit more faith.

For Christmas I got some records, socks, coffee maker, tupperware, a kindle fire, cologne, a new controller for the ps3, and some other things. I’m happy with everything! My friends and family are so good to me.

Next up is New Years. Once again, I don’t really have any plans. Its strange that out of all of the holidays, I’ve probably done the least for New Years consecutively. I’ve been to clubs a couple times and threw a party way back in the day, but other than that I’ve typically just hung out and not made a big deal out of it. This year, thats fine by me since I go back to work on Monday the second. That week is going to suuuuuuck since I’ve been off for two weeks. But hey, maybe it won’t be so bad, right?

I started a new diet. Limit one serving per cheese per day, no soda or sweet tea, no candy/cookies/sweets, no red meat, add lots of fruits and veggies, and a couple other things. If I violate the rules, I get an X. haha. That means I have to walk two laps around the apartment complex and take the dog. I have a feeling he is going to get way more exercise, but so far I’ve been pretty good. Then again, I’m only on day three. The goal is to cut sugar, a lot of the fatty stuff I like, and in general to be healthy. So I can live forever. Or something.

For now, I have to get to work on setting up the class I’ll be teaching this semester. I have to read the textbook I choose and work on the course layout and syllabus. Ugh. It’ll be fun though.

So its been 2 months since I posted. A lot has happened and best of all, I’m finally on an extended break. I should be off work for the next two weeks – thank God!

Lets see … I switched cars again. The vehicles I’ve driven are, in order, these:

• 1994 Ford Taurus
• 1997 Saturn SC2
• 1996 Chrysler Sebring
• 2002 VW Jetta
• 2006 Mazda 3
• 2007 Ford Mustang
• 2008 Ford F 150
• 2008 Ford Mustang
• 2009 Smart ForTwo
• 2010 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited
• 2010 Mercedes-Benz SLK 230
• 2011 Chevy Camaro SS
• 2011 GMC Sierra
• 2012 Lexus CT200h

Yeah thats like 10 cars too many. haha. I have a problem. Its time to stop for a bit. The beauty is that I’m now in a vehicle that gets great gas mileage, has some luxury features, and I don’t mind it at all. Of course, I’ve said great things about each car, but I’m estimating I’ll keep this one 2 years. So anyway, the car change is one thing.

For Christmas, my boss got her direct reports the Kindle Fire. Its kind of a cool little device. I seem to use it mostly for playing Angry Birds and watching Netflix. At some point I’ll download some books. Right now I’m still mucking around with it. Add the Fire to a couple gift cards and I have to say … this place is the best I’ve worked from this standpoint. On the other hand, its actually somewhat more … difficult … than other places. I was miserable by the time I left my last job. It wasn’t because of the job itself, it was because of the leadership of that organization. Sadly, where I work now seems like it might be headed in that direction. All employees are going to have to sign a statement that dictates morality. Being a religious institution, they can require it and I don’t disagree with the right. I am, however, somewhat saddened by it if only because the change is being implemented and not led. What I mean by this is that it is a mandate and there has been and will be no discussion. *sigh*

In other news, I got a sick pair of headphones. The Audio-Technica ATH-AD700 is an audiophile headset that really opens up the music. I’ve coupled these with my record player and have *really* been digging the music more and more. I forgot how much better high quality recordings sounded and the nuances you miss on radio and mp3 quality music. If anyone wants to get some records for me, I’d definitely not turn them down.

Finally on the list, I have to make a decision on teaching. I’ve been asked to teach another course and I’m not sure I want to do it. Not because I dislike teaching, but because the pay for this thing is absolutely terrible. I feel that I should be putting plenty of time and effort in to a course so my students learn something valuable. To put it nicely, the pay does not motivate me to do much beyond the basic requirements. It is because of that, I don’t know that I want to do it. I don’t like just doing the minimum, but there is no incentive to do better or more.

And now I’m on a break. I don’t really have any plans other than to sleep, go to the gym, listen to music, and relax. heh. It is amazing what builds up when you don’t take or get a vacation. These next two weeks will be wonderful and I intend to use them well!

1) Sometimes it takes blood to make a change stick.

2) The more you give people, the more they expect.

3) There is never harm in having an exit strategy even if you’ve just made your entrance.

Some time back, I was hired to lead change. I’ve led that change … successfully. In doing so, there were, of course, some who did not like that change, but they were in the super-minority. No change can be brought with 100% buy-in, you see. The problem is that as I led the change, there was a change in leadership and suddenly I was thrust in to a situation where my head might roll. I learned this because of trust that was placed in me and, I believe, because there was recognition that I’d been doing my job. So of course I’ve been looking elsewhere, but the job market sucks. Meanwhile, I’m walking with a cloud over my head and it is severely impacting my drive. Despite that impact, I’m still accomplishing great things for my organization and I don’t intend to stop. The sad part is that, and I believe this to be a human thing, it is so easy to tell someone we might cut them loose, but it is hard to tell them we have faith and confidence in what they’re doing.

Why is it that we all are so fast to lose faith in one another? I feel that something I’ve picked up along my journey is that you always have to give people the opportunity to better themselves and be open to the fact that they can. I guess I’m altruistic in my beliefs. I’ve gone over this before. But I still believe I’m here to help people and that won’t change. I believe I’m here to empower.

All of this said, I feel like I’m ready for change again. A new job where I can continue to apply lessons I’ve learned, continue to grow, and continue to add some value. Not that I’m not doing these things where I am now, but, sad to say, I feel like I’ve learned what I can where I am. Perhaps there wasn’t as much as I had hoped … or I’m *really* deluding myself because there is that little black cloud hanging over me. I believe it to be the former actually.

I’ve just developed my next set of goals. Ugh. I feel their weight already.

-Doctorate (*gulp*)

-Debt free

-Travel outside of the US twice

-Family

Here we go … the last time I set goals, I met them (with one minor technical exception). I want to commit to these, but I do need to think a bit more. Maybe I need to convince myself of them again. heh. Whatever I decide, I’ll once again have to get out of my own way to accomplish them. And that is where the real weight is.